Emotional Baggage: 3 Ways to Let it Go
Emotional baggage includes thoughts, feelings, memories, and yes, obsessions that weigh you down mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Clearly, your emotional baggage will eventually take a physical toll too.
Read on to discover three reasons why it can be difficult to let go of emotional baggage, and three powerful ways tips for letting go of it once and for all.
Why can it be so difficult to release your emotional baggage? After all, it hurts to carry it. You’d think that the burden of holding on to these unpleasant memories would be enough to motivate you to give them up already.
And yet, you know better, don’t you?
So any of these reasons people hold on to emotional baggage sound familiar?
#1 reason you may be toting your emotional baggage: You don’t even realize that it has a negative effect on you. Sure, you know the circumstances that caused these bad feelings hurt, but you don’t fully appreciate how much holding on to the negativity impacts the quality of your life.
#2 reason for carrying this oppressive load: You haven’t given yourself permission to grieve, complain, or generally carry on and whine about it in a way that allows you to vent and be validated while still protecting your public image.
“Is there really a legitimate way to vent without hurting your public persona?” Yes. Think of it as “an appropriate pity party.” Follow this formula: First, tell someone who cares about your pain. No offense intended, but you do know that there are few people close enough to you to truly care about the bad stuff you’re going through, yes?
Second: Tell them why you’re telling them. Otherwise, there will be times when all you want to do is to get something off of your chest, and your dear friend keeps giving you advice. Sigh. Let your friend know if you’re looking for sympathy, solutions or a sounding board.
Third factor in the “appropriate pity party” is to tell yourself what you’re going to do about it. Talk to yourself. Your subconscious mind listens.
Example of these three factors: You say to your best buddy, “I need to vent, do you have 10 minutes? I’m not looking for advice right now, I just want to get this off my chest. And when I’m done venting for 10 minutes, I’m going to come up with the best solution about what to do next.”
No one is pretending that the entire situation will be cleared up in 10 minutes, but you will have a better idea of the next step in feeling better about a bad situation and putting down that emotional baggage.
Now, let’s return to those reasons why it’s so difficult to let go of emotional baggage. This one is harder to admit, so take a deep breath, and read with an open mind:
#3 reason why it’s so hard to let that burden of emotional baggage down: You’ve been carrying it so long, it’s now part of your identity. Think about it. How often do you talk and or think about it? Do you tell people that you don’t even know very well that your spouse left you with the kids and that was years ago now? Are you still talking about that promotion that everyone was sure you were going to get, but it went to someone less qualified?
Happens more often that you’d realize. You might be carrying this event so close to you that you wear it like it IS you. How are you going to know if you’re doing this?
Either you can try self-awareness, which frankly takes a while. Observe how often you think or talk about it.
Or, if you’re feeling brave, and you want quick, positive change, even if it means feeling embarrassed, you can ask someone you trust, who is really blunt! You must ask someone who meets these criteria:
- This person cares about you.
- This person can give tough love and you’ll actually listen.
And this is what you must do. Listen. Then you’ll know if you are, in fact, wearing this bad memory to the point where it’s become part of you.
Now, here are three ways to let it down for good.
Way One: Create a compelling vision for your life. Who are you, what do you want, and what does it take to get it? Whatever it is you want is going to take emotional energy. You know that for a fact.
The reason to start with the creative vision is because once you don’t have the burden of negative emotions, you’re going to leave a vacuum. If you don’t fill up your time, thoughts, energy with something positive and compelling, you can count on slipping right back into those old, debilitating thoughts and picking your emotional bagggage right back up again.
Your compelling vision must be so exciting that you cannot bear NOT to go for it.
Way Two: Ask yourself: “How would my life be better if this didn’t bother me right now?” This simple query allows your subconscious mind to do a massive data search and come up with many reasons why your life it just fine right now.
Also, you can ask: “How would my life be better if I were impossible to offend?” Think about it.
Way Three: Write the opposite. You say you can’t get over it. It hurt too much, it was too demoralizing, embarrassing, whatever you tell yourself. Fine. So just write this: When I do get over this, here’s what I’m going to do for me. And let go with all of the ways you’re going to take care of yourself, and make your life better, when you’re ready to let go.
Bonus. Way Four. Be willing to learn from it. It’s been said that those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. Not fun. You have paid dearly going through this experience. You are *worthy* of learning as many lessons as you can.
After all, if you learn nothing from it, you can consider the experience a failure. If you are willing to learn, you can consider it an investment in your wisdom.
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Crystal Jonas, Bio
Remember that the world does not reward hard work, only recognized results! Find out more how I can help you and your company be more successful, productive, and profitable. Come sign up for my free newsletter while you’re here (just look at the top right of this page).
Call me at 719- 291-0366 and ask about speaking or coaching for you or for your company.
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